Toxic Positivity in a Tarot reading?

Are Tarot Readers sometimes guilty of gilding the lily?... especially if it is a sow's ear! I asked Tarot about it...

Toxic positivity = making the unpalatable palatable by pushing an agenda of optimism, often making people feel guilty for their lack of positivity.

Here is a clear memory from my childhood…

When I was between the ages of 9-12 (1967-70) a regular headline news item on TV was the devastating famine in Biafra as a result of the Nigerian Civil War. Black and white tv pictures of starving children filled our screens, and our hearts, with horror at their terrible suffering.

I hated eating fish and would push pieces of it around my plate until eventually my parents got angry with me, and told me that I wasn’t to leave the table until I had eaten every last cold, grey and stomach-turning lump of it… but I just couldn’t, so I quietly teared-up and continued to push it around my plate. They had left the table and sat watching TV whilst I tried not to retch (I really didn’t like it, I wasn’t simply being fussy).

For my parents, watching children starving in Biafra, whilst I refused to eat a good, healthy plateful of white grey fish was a little too much… “You should be grateful, there are children in Biafra who are starving to death because they don’t have good food like you do.” At first I felt guilty, for my lack of gratitude, so then I added guilt to nausea, and felt even worse… but I was still unable to eat the fish 🤢

Inevitably, the day came when I (and, I have since discovered many others) told my parents that they were very welcome to send my food to Biafra for those poor children who had none. Understandably, this didn’t go down terribly well 😆 but, thankfully, it did consign that particular piece of toxic positivity to history, if not the fish dinners.

So, painful reminiscences aside… how does all of this relate to Tarot?

I recently stumbled upon “toxic positivity.” Apparently, this expression has been around for some time now, but it is new to me (what you get for living in a cave, I guess! 😂) and I wanted to understand a little more about it…

I remember losing a good friend, years ago, when I shared with him that I am a Tarot reader. He was furious! His response really startled me. I asked him why he was so angry, and he explained that, “Tarot reading is about giving people false hope” and he was so bitterly disappointed in me that, sadly, our friendship never fully recovered.

False hope…? Really…? Is that what I was doing? Noo-o-o-o-o-oo-o! 😱 Cue some serious introspection and rethinking some of my reading habits at that time 🧐

So… if you will… picture a small dark cubicle, containing a small round table atmospherically lit by a Banker’s Lamp. Two chairs, either side of the very small table… a gorgeous aroma of Nag Champa lightly fogging the air… and a Tarot Reader (me) sitting expectantly, waiting for my next Seeker (or Querent, if you prefer)…

I like to think that as a Tarot Reader I’m also a compassionate guy who reads people quite well… so, a distressed Seeker, at the end of their tether, clearly needs no further bad news from me, and so I worked hard to minimise some of Tarot’s darker messages to help avoid this, effectively gilding the sow’s ear (sic)… e.g. …

“Don’t worry… Death XIII doesn’t really mean death… it means transformation and rebirth… and is a good thing”… and etc. Except, of course… occasionally… it does… 🧐

I would emphasise how lucky the sufferers are in the RWS¹ 5 of Pentacles to only have a short walk around the corner to the church, offering them warmth and protection; which, of course, ignores their current suffering and the significant impact of their journey to this point… hmmm²… 🤔

Over the years I have discussed this with a lot of Tarot readers, who take similar approaches to minimising the darker messages in favour of always keeping the reading positive and uplifting; especially when cards of doom, disaster, or pain sit on the table in front of them. So, it’s not just me, then!

I clearly remember a Tarot reader, well-known for her uplifting messages, once telling me that they remove all of the difficult cards from their deck before reading for clients, so as to avoid frightening them. 🧐

So, as this post has been fermenting, I’ve been wondering why we do this… who do we do it for (to make them, or us, feel better)? So, I decided to ask for four cards explaining why they think we do it… I got five!

Note: Below, I am going to substitute the expression “overly-positive” for the jargon-istic “Toxic Positivity”, which I feel better suits the purpose/energy of this reading.

Let’s Tarot… 🕯️

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Position 1 - How does an overly positive message help? - 6 of Pentacles

In this context I am seeing the Reader as the generous giver, fairly distributing what they can afford (in this card, Pentacles as coins). We can equally well interpret this as their gift, or their talent. They are happy to give, and the receivers are likely happy too. (Is it me, or is that face a little smug? 😀)

Describing this card, Anthony Louis³ offers (amid much more!)…

An act of charity; Giving of your talents, time, or money; mentoring.

As this card is from the suit of Pentacles, I read a material-world focus as a huge influence on a Reader. For professional Readers, naturally, there is a strong commercial drive to develop their business, and a proven, successful route in any business lies in making clients happy, so they will want to return for more, and…

… as experience grows, and knowledge and skills develop, more Reader gifts become available, such as mentoring and guidance opportunities for regular clients. The distribution of overly-positive messages has a ‘feel good’ factor, which really helps, especially the under-confident, and those a little ‘lost.’

So… the overly positive message is a short-term solution making both parties happy; but, over time, cracks may appear as the Seeker discovers that things aren’t always as positive as they were given to believe.

Position 2 - How can over-positivity affect the relationship between reader and seeker? - 4 of Pentacles

Looking at this card, I don’t feel that I would wish to build a relationship with this character (would you? 😀). They seem very focussed on holding on to what they’ve got, which makes me wonder what exactly are they unwilling to share? The entire image illustrates unfriendly, mistrustful and financially focussed.

Anthony Louis, again…

Sound money management; Holding on to possessions; Deeply ingrained beliefs; Overcaution; … the four of Pentacles warns that material interests are blocking your emotional growth.

Anthony Louis’s point about deeply ingrained beliefs, stands out for me with this card. I imagine that a reading with this character would be very much a one-sided affair, in which they share their fixed views of the cards in front of them, with little interest in flexing them to the needs of those who come to see them.

This is a Reader who may well be confronted by… “Last time I came to see you, you said that everything would work out fine and that Dwayne would come back to me, but…” after pulling a heart-pierced 3 of Swords, and a solitary figure leaving in the 8 of Cups (RWS images in mind here 👍🏼) interpreted as… “out of your current pain (3S), you will ascend to a higher level of love (8C)…” 😀

The effect of such an overly-positive message on the relationship between Reader and Seeker is likely mistrust. The message hasn’t manifested in the Seeker’s life, and trust is now breaking down… leading the Seeker to probably conclude that the Reader is “only in it for the money.”

Position 3 - How can an overly positive message hurt? - The Empress III

Well, I definitely did NOT expect to see The Empress III here! 😲

Anthony Louis…

The mother archetype; Love; Harmony; Union; Willingness to help others.

So… this is the only major arcana card in this spread, and one not commonly associated with hurt… but, this card is really important, and its purpose here is to offer us deeper insights into understanding how a warm and nurturing energy can hurt us in unexpected ways.

The potential for hurt that I see here is dependency on a mother archetype, typically leading to a progressive loss of autonomy, and the ability to make decisions when away from them, and their deck of cards, as you settle into trusting them to direct the course of your life. Creating a ‘Tarot Junkie.’

When your Empress III tenderly tells you, with genuine love, that your pain is necessary for you to become the best version of yourself, you will likely feel comforted…unquestioningly embracing your pain because someone who really cares for you has told you it is good for you (and… it may be 🙂)… and… you can always get another reading when you need to know what to do next…

“Unless you go with, and learn from, the awful things that are happening to you right now, you can never be free of them, but I will always be here with a huge hug whenever you need me…” They will, too, and you will always need them!

Position 4 - What does an authentic balanced message offer? - 2 of Pentacles

I loved turning over this card in this position! For the first time in this reading I felt that this card reflected both the Reader’s, and Seeker’s, experience of a reading. For me, the most striking part of this image is the tight-rope. When a reading is balanced, instead of overly-positive, it is a tight-rope walk for both parties.

For the Reader, there is the natural desire to help, not hurt or distress, the Seeker; whilst for the Seeker there is an equally powerful desire to find an honest, well-informed and practical solution to their problem(s)… or, HOW to walk the tight-rope safely!

With both parties actively balancing the exchange the Seeker becomes much more involved in the reading, and able to start making decisions along the way, that will help them safely across the tight-rope instead of falling off it. With engagement, and an authentic balanced reading, a solution will emerge.

What does authentic look like in this context? It looks like a true and honest interpretation of the cards by the Reader, with no glossing over the more difficult cards. It is balancing both challenging, and supporting, energies to help the Seeker understand their options and find their own unique, working solution.

A thought for the road… a distressed and upset Seeker offered platitudes will find little relief much beyond the current moment. If the Reader really wants to help, and in my experience they nearly always do, they need to balance honesty with diplomacy, tact and… especially compassion whilst flexing with the tight-rope bouncing in front of them… 😊

Position 5 - What is the best energy for a Tarot Reader to offer? - King of Pentacles

Bonus card - Jumper⁴… this was the fifth card that the deck wanted to add!

By now, the message of this reading is becoming quite clear to me, and, I hope, to you too?… but the deck really wanted to make sure I’d got it! So… in the spirit of an advice card from the Tarot, here is a suggested positive energy for a Tarot Reader to adopt as an alternative to overly-positive.

Anthony Louis on the King of Pentacles…

Shrewdness; Practicality; Patience; Gentleness; Kindliness; Generosity.

I have always seen the King of Pentacles as representing the energy of a trusted advisor, someone who is a great listener, with the kindness, patience and shrewdness of a favourite grandparent. Someone who is generous with their time, and gentle with those who need it.

The King of Pentacles has no further need to focus on wealth, he is already very wealthy. He is rich in experience, wisdom and compassion and those qualities alone ensure that he will be sought after by those with problems seeking support and guidance.

Scroll back up now, and compare the energy of this card with the energy scowling out of the 4 of Pentacles in position 2. So… Readers…

Which one do you want to be for your next Seeker? 😀

Numerology

6 + 4 + 3 + 2 = 15 = 1 + 5 = 6 (Court Cards not included)

In this reading, Pentacles are predominant (4 out of the total 5 cards!) and reflect the often material concerns influencing the answer to the original question. As 6’s represent balance and harmony (see, The Lovers XI) this reading indicates to me that the question of Toxic Positivity, or (as I prefer), over-positivity, is about harmonising a professional Reader’s need for material security with a Seeker’s need for authentic, and helpful guidance from the Tarot.

On the way to this 6, is 15, which I see as a shadow along the journey towards balancing the needs of both Reader and Seeker. In the major arcana 15 is represented by The Devil XV which is often associated with being overly attached to money and material things (echoing the 4 of Pentacles above).

Conclusions…

So… are Tarot Readers sometimes guilty of gilding the lily?

I think the answer to this question is yes, they are. I know I have done it in the past! Sometimes to make me feel better, and sometimes in the hope that it will make the Seeker feel better, sometimes both 🙂

I think a gilded sow’s ear offered to a distressed Seeker is one of three things:

1. A strong desire of the Readers’ to be liked, and/or,

2. A genuine wish to show compassion for the hurting and distressed in front of them, and also… as indicated by the many Pentacles in this reading…

3. An opportunity for a Reader to build a positive relationship that can lead to further business opportunities.

My conclusion from this reading, and my belief too (I should stress that I am not financially dependent on reading Tarot, so will surely have a different perspective to many other readers here) is that, moving forwards, this complex question is best resolved by Readers not succumbing to overly-positive reading styles… instead, being compassionate, approachable, and authentically interpreting the cards in the best interests of the Seeker… by giving them the necessary autonomy to pursue the solutions that they prefer, having been fully informed of what the cards advise… and trusting that this approach will encourage the Seeker to seek them out again the next time they need guidance.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading this long post… next week will be much shorter… Card of the Month for March… 👍🏼🕯️

I welcome your thoughts on the above, and how this reading resonates (or not!) for you... please feel free to comment below (I am very open to respectful disagreement and discussion!) and share this free post if you feel it might interest others, thanks... 😊

Love, light, and laughter... always,

tarotbyphil 🕯️

1. Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot Deck.

2. I’m afraid this reminds me of an old joke, which capitalises on the questioner’s agenda rather than the listener’s… “But, apart from that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the show?” 🙂

3. Tarot Plain and Simple: Louis, Anthony; with illustrations by Robin Wood.

4. A ‘jumper’ is a card that ‘jumps’ out of the deck whilst shuffling. Like many other readers I see these cards as drawing attention to themselves and their message by jumping out during the shuffle… I never return them to an ongoing shuffle… today, this card was the King of Pentacles.