"It's got to be-e-e-e-e-e-e... purr-fect..." 😸
But, why? Just for fun, I asked Tarot, and Patty...
Occasionally, I like to post a just-for-fun reading (especially after plumbing the depths of my navel contemplations! 🧐). This post was inspired by a brief comments exchange with @volcanicpatty following my recent…
… post, re-nightmaring 😱 my school years. Patty commented (I love comments, don’t you?) “And we share some attributes i.e the perfectionism…something I’m working on!” Well… I mean… a door to a reading opened right there, didn’t it? I suggested this to Patty, who thought so too 👍🏼
As I pulled the cards, they genuinely made me laugh out loud. I asked Patty if she would add her insights to this post, too… I’m delighted to say she agreed!
Say hi, Patty… 👋🏼
Hey y’all 👋 ! So excited to be here and to have the opportunity to collaborate with Phil! 😊
I’m a 32-year-old living in Los Angeles, lover of tarot as a spiritual practice and tool, and currently in grad school to become a psychotherapist. My ultimate goal is to combine western psychotherapy with softer intuitive practices to offer a more holistic healing experience.
Being back in school, perfectionism is very much on my mind. I like to call myself a “recovering” perfectionist…a trait I’m trying to let go of. Alas, it’s a process.
Thanks Patty, welcome to endless drafts, edits, spellchecks and… silliness 😄
So… for non-sufferers of this masochistic perfectionist characteristic, here’s a definition…
a person who wants everything to be perfect and demands the HIGHEST STANDARDS POSSIBLE (yeah, ok, my caps)1
… it’s a very clear and precise definition (and, frankly, I would expect nothing less of the Cambridge English Dictionary!) but… somehow… lacks a little of the feelings experienced by us perfectionists… y’know? 🤔
So, for those of you who don’t suffer from this particular affliction, in order to help you understand the agonies 😫 us perfectionists endure…
… Let’s Tarot…
1 · How it feels when a perfectionist contemplates a task ~ Page of Wands
Patty writes:
Like the Page of Wands, contemplating a task feels like fireworks going off in my mind. Just like the blossoming Page, I may not have too much information or understanding of the task at hand yet, but I am so ready to get started.
This energy can feel exciting and adventurous, but its shadow side is more like feeling pressurized— like something is bound to pop off if I don’t get to this task soon.
Currently, I’m experiencing this feeling with school assignments. As soon as the professor hands us a task, my imagination is already somersaulting—entertaining all types of ideas and marching ahead with all sorts of plans. I have to remind myself to slooow down 😉.
Phil writes:
For me, as a perfectionist, this is always the best part of the task. I share Patty’s excitement at starting something new, envisaging all of the different ways I can organise myself (yeah… mind-maps, lists, and stationery!!! 😀) and that creative Page of Wands fire energy crackling into flames… Leeza Robertson2 writes…
It’s time to go and do something with all that pent up energy of yours… The Page of Wands needs to move and get the fire inside of them out in constructive and playful ways…
… unless… I’ve somehow misunderstood my task 🤔 hmmm… better check… I know, a brief (triple drafted, 9 bullet-pointed, with colour-coded subsections) note should get us started… OK… better not start until they reply… or, maybe, I could just do a couple of things to make a start… yeah, let’s do that! 👍🏼🤩
2 · How it feels when a perfectionist concentrates on a task ~ Four of Pentacles
Patty writes:
The cat’s face in the Four of Pentacles says it all. I imagine its eyebrow twitching while trying to get it all done.
There’s something about the guardedness in this card that resonates with my experience. I sink my claws into the task as if it’s the last thing I do because it helps me feel in control. It’s absolutely terrifying to feel like I may have gotten it wrong, so I need to staunchly follow my predetermined path and good luck to anyone that tries to pry it away from me (like the cute little hedgehog aiming for those pentacles).
What often follows this Four of Pentacles experience? The Five of Pentacles. Excessive perfectionistic control may lead me to feel depleted and sick. I must learn to let go!
Phil writes:
Well, it took a while to get a reply, so I forged ahead and got a lot of things done! 👍🏼 Right, let’s check that reply 🧐 Hold on…
… they’ve changed the parameters! WHAT!!! Unbelievable! They can’t do that, I’ve already done so much work on this, and I can’t let it go, just like that… AND… their suggestions simply won’t work… I hate interference at this late stage… clearly, I will have to put my paw down!
Leeza Robertson again…
… abundant energy needs to flow. There needs to be something that goes out in order to keep the flow coming in. Perhaps Hedgy could have one of the coins; that would still leave you with more than enough…
As long as they accept that my solution, is rock solid, fully realised and double-checked from every direction… and they don’t try to pry it away from me (like the cute little hedgehog aiming for those pentacles) everything will go swimmingly. <Phew> At least I’m not a control freak (like Patty… 😅)!
3 · How it feels when a perfectionist completes a task ~ Ten of Swords
Patty writes:
Pheeeeeew. Those swords were heavy, but I’m grateful to have reached the end of the task. The air feels buzzy with the completed swords cycle: maybe some conflict and self doubt, definitely a little bit of anxiety…but it’s done.
It feels liberating to be done when it’s actually out of my hands. My trick to stop obsessing over it and free myself from my perfectionistic tendencies is to submit an assignment as soon as I’m done. Oh yes, there’s always more I could have done, but this is good enough.
Phil writes:
It’s finished… over… I threw everything I had at it… I just need to double-check those ten Swords are exactly positioned… Hmmm, is number 5 is a little too far to the left… could I just nip back and move it?… what would Patty do? ‘there’s always more I could have done, but this is good enough’… Brilliant!… but… 🫢
Leeza…
… this particular ending has changed you. It has made you think differently about yourself and your place in the world… This soul cat would like to teach you how to come to completion with grace.
Intellectually, I know it’s done… complete, but… sadly, I lack the self-mastery “to come to completion with grace” accepting that, “this is good enough”… how…? 🤷🏽♂️
Conclusions…
Patty writes:
The first thing that pops out to me from this spread is the missing element: water. Fiery determination? Yes. Sinking into control? Absolutely. Exhaustive overthinking? No doubt. Purifying liberation and going with the flow? Nah, no room for that here. 😉
As you can probably tell, my relationship with perfectionism is complicated. I used to think it was a trait intrinsic to my core, and I proudly wore it like a badge of honor. But three years ago, I began an inner healing journey that forced me to confront the depths of my wounds. I came to recognize perfectionism for what it actually was— a survival mechanism I developed in response to my environment.
I’m grateful for all that it gave me, but now I want my relationship with it to feel more two-sided. I’m ready to reclaim my imperfections.
Phil writes:
The numerology for this reading is: (Page as 11, 1+1=) 2 + 4 + (10, 1+0=) 1 = 7
VII·The Chariot is the major arcana card corresponding to this reading. Balancing, by sheer willpower, variables pulling in different directions, especially the need to achieve the highest standards possible alongside the need for completion and moving gracefully on. No… really? 🤣🤣🤣
Elementally, as Patty notes above, we notice the absence of Water/Cups, but <spoiler alert>, don’t worry, they drop-in below! 🙂 These cards beautifully describe the feelings I experience as a perfectionist… Creative Fire, followed by Earthy, grounded effort, resulting in Airy post-task over-thinking and/or anxiety.
Personally, I discovered some years ago that my TA3 Drivers are ‘Be Perfect/Hurry Up’ These Drivers describe my motivations when tasking. This particular combination means that everything has to be done right, and… done right now! There is, as you might imagine, a fundamental challenge between these two positions… I recognised it years ago, and named it STRESS! 😄
So… the question is, what would Tarot advise us to do to manage our Perfectionism more successfully?
How can we embrace ‘good enough’? Bonus card ~ Three of Cups
Patty writes:
Ah, there it is. The missing element… the vulnerable flow of water.
The Three of Cups immediately makes me think of the power of community and letting others into our experience. With perfectionism, it feels like I have to figure it all out on my own. But the Three of Cups is the antithesis to that isolated feeling —we don’t have to do it alone. We honestly can’t. At some point, our steam will run out.
Finding a supportive community has been foundational for me and my answer to embracing ‘good enough’. I can more easily let my guard down and know that I will be seen for who I am, and not for who I think I need to be.
Phil writes:
Chill out! 🧘
From the beautiful book of the deck…
It has been a while since you got together with friends… You have planned an outing you will all enjoy and remember for some time to come. Put on something nice because now is the time to come together and raise a glass.
Taking the numerology of the overall spread as 7, if we add this 3 (of Cups), we get X·The Wheel of Fortune, which tells us very clearly that there will always be variables, people and/or things outside of our control, that will always impact on our perfectly executed plan…accepting this with ‘grace’, and understanding when we have arrived at ‘good enough’, can be a simple matter of opening our hearts to others and “letting [them] into our experience”; seeking their support, advice and perspective and including it in our plan… a bit like asking someone to co-author a Substack on understanding perfectionism 😊
It has been my very great pleasure to share the interpretation of these cards with Patty, and, as I guessed she would, she has been both a fun, and very insightful collaborator… thanks Patty, appreciate it 🙏🏼😊🕯️
We welcome your thoughts on the above, and how this reading resonates (or not!) for you... please feel free to comment below (we are very open to respectful disagreement and discussion!). We’d also love you to share this free post if you feel it might interest others, thanks... 😊
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Love, light, and laughter... always,
Patty & tarotbyphil 🕯️
Leeza Robertson is the deck author.
TA = Transactional Analysis… to be covered in a future post on looking at the Court Cards as a set of behavioural styles.
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Love Patty and loved this read!
For starters, hello to my fellow Angelino, Patty!
Phil, I'm a broken record, I know, lol, Mercury in Virgo conj. Pluto... intense perfectionism. Mine manifest as constant drive to progress, personal evolution. The unexamined life is not worth living., etc.
And like Patty is saying, it stems from early childhood formative coping mechanisms. I cannot change the neglectful parents, but I can take on the brokenness as myself ...because then I stand a chance of fixing it.
(Patty, I have a fantastic Jungian psychotherapist).
I especially loved how you both talked about the missing elements. This is a new way of thinking for me and I'm really enjoying looking at the tarot cards this way. Not only what is represented, but what might be missing as a balance.
Enjoyable read!